Making a checklist: Questions that will either make or break a relationship

This guy told me that one of the reasons why he has had only one girlfriend in his life is because he has very high standards for females that most of them can't reach.

For him to be 24 years old, and only had one girlfriend, I was instantly interested in what these standards may entail.

Deciding not to go too much into detail, he just gave me the two main points on his "Checklist" that are most important to him in deciding whether or not she is even worth his time.

1. Does she have a good relationship with her family?
2. What is her "body count?" (the amount of men she has slept with)

Now I already knew that the amount of men that a woman sleeps with it rather important to most guys, (despite the fact that men usually sleep around a lot more than most woman do) but to care about the type of relationship she has with her family, slightly took me by surprise.

I just don't know too many men that are honestly concerned about a woman's relationship with her family to the point where the "wrong answer" can make or break this newly found interest in each other.

So I began to think about my own checklist for a man, trying my hardest not to be biased or naive in making it, here's what I came up with (in no particular order).

Do you have any children?
I understand that people make mistakes but with children comes along a "baby momma" (if you're lucky, there's only one baby momma) and I don't have the time to be the topic of conversation as to why "this new lady is hanging around daddy" or "is she our new mommy?" I'm too young for that and I don't have to put up with it, so I don't.

Do you have a girlfriend?
This may seem like a foolish question but trust me, there are many instances where men will nonchalantly have more than one girlfriend. I believe in not beating around the bush so if I do come right out and ask yo

Why don't you have a girlfriend?
Most men will take this question as an opportunity to explain why all of his ex girlfriends are obviously crazy; while I'm listening contently and putting a little asterisk next to each point. For example, "man my last girlfriend complained way too much! And always about the same thing!" He unknowingly just told me "I don't listen."

Have you ever had sex with anyone I'm close to?
This is a major make it or break it for me. No one likes to feel like a last choice so if you had some type of relationship with a friend of mine, we have no hope.

When having to breakup with someone: Stop stalling and just do it

I remember telling this guy, who was asking for my number, that I'm still involved with my ex. He then asked me how long were we together and after I answered, he so graciously burst my bubble by giving me the relationship equation.

Take the time that the two of you have been together and cut it in half; that's how long you've been trying to break up with him.

After hearing this, I instantly disagreed with him and came up with a million and one ways to explain why our "relationship" was different.

Of course by the time I made it home, I realized that he was completely right but I was so pissed off that a stranger (who I had known for a good three minutes) was telling me something that my friends had been telling me for years.

It is absolutely true that most of the relationship is usually spent trying to figure out different ways to leave the relationship.

But why is that? What are we waiting for?

There are many excuses that people will come up with to justify them prolonging a breakup.

"I don't know how to say it"
"It's not the right time"
"His moms birthday is coming up"
"We've been together for X amount of years"
"He was there for me when I was going through (insert problem)"
"My cd's are in his car"


But what exactly are we waiting for?

For him to breakup with you first? For him to cheat on you? For him to transform into the person that you want to be with? Or for the classic, "perfect time?"

Please. Wake. Up.

There will never be a perfect time to breakup with someone and unlike your job, you can't give them a heads up by putting in a two weeks notice. Stop trying to make excuses and just do it.

Granted, no one wants to be that asshole to break someones heart but instead of wasting your time, energy, and in most cases money, be an adult and call it what it is: nothing.

Researching the past: What needs to be done before pursuing the relationship

When buying a used car, getting the cars' Carfax report beforehand can make you feel confident about spending your money on that car.

A Carfax is a vehicles history report from a nationwide database. It basically tells you where your car has been and if it is even worth buying.

After discussing this logic of doing your research before committing yourself to a car, I applied it to relationships.

A friend of mine decided to call it "Hoe Fax" but for the sake of not calling anyone a "hoe," we'll call it "doing your research."

When deciding whether or not you're ready to give someone the title of your boyfriend or girlfriend, you need to make sure that a little bit of research is done on the person just to ensure that there aren't any surprises waiting for you in the future.

A surprise can be anything from finding out that the girl has experimented with the same sex or finding out that your guy had sex with half of the females at your church. Whatever the situation is, you may want to know about it before you two decide to go public and partake in Cuffing Season: The perfect time to be in a relationship.

Some ways that you can conduct this "research" is to ask around.

People gossip and they don't feel bad about doing so; so as long as the conversation is breezy and carefree, you might be able to get something out of it. When asking about someone's past, you never want to seem like you're gossiping, but instead, you're merely inquiring about someone for no apparent reason.

Wrong Way: "What do you know about Susan? Is she a hoe?"
Right Way: "I saw that girl Susan today... I've never heard anything about her. I wonder what's her deal?"

Going through a persons facebook tagged photos can also help someone get a good idea of that persons past. Granted, some photos could have been deleted as well as untagged but most of the time, a photo that seems innocent can be a link to something else.

Lets say you see a photo of Brian and a mysterious girl in a public place. The two of them are smiling and obviously having a good time. They aren't touching, there is no sign of sexual tension there, and it's pretty obvious that the two of them are just friends. (Or so it seems)

Taking it one step further by clicking on the girl and checking her photos, you might get lucky and come across some more photos of her and Brian (that he is conveniently not tagged in) taking their "friendship" to a new level.

When digging up someones past, you're bound to find something that you may not be able to deal with. It is up to you on whether you are willing to look past it or just give up altogether.

Keeping in mind that everyone does have a past (including yourself) which makes discovering those "hidden secrets" a bit easier and it helps you to come to terms with a fact that all women already know:

There is no such thing as a perfect person and this especially goes for men.

Drake- Marvins Room: When unavailability becomes appealing

It is human nature for people to want something that they can't have. In Drake's song "Marvins Room" Drake is drunk calling an old girlfriend of his who now has a new man in her life.

He goes on to tell her that he does not care about the relationship that she is currently in because she can do better by being with him.

There is always that possibility that what Drake is saying is sincere but what I would like to know is how he felt about the phone conversation the next morning.

Did he regret it or is it true that a drunk mans words are a sober mans thoughts? 

Side Chick Alert! Signs that you may be a Side Chick

As I mentioned in Friends with Benefits V.S. Sex Buddies , there are some instances where you could end up in the "Side Chick" category by default.

The example that I gave was the two of you beginning as Sex Buddies but because you're just having sex, he is able to get a girlfriend which will in turn make you the side chick; by default.

Nobody is blaming you, sometimes things just happen. We understand this and are willing to help you.

Here are some signs that you should look for if you're unsure if you're the side chick.

If he is only available on the weekends or on late nights: Men love to show off and the same applies to their woman. If he is never willing to go out with you during the daytime then you may just be the side chick.

You've never met any of his friends. As mentioned before, men love to show off especially if they believe their new girl is a great catch; so if you know everything about his friend John but the way his face looks, then you may just be the side chick.



He is able to get in contact with you but you can't contact him. Everyone has a cell phone that they keep on them at all times. If the only time the two of you are able to have a conversation is when he calls, then he is not only screening your calls, he has already deemed you the side chick. 

I asked my guy friend how would he describe a side chick and he used KFC as a metaphor.

He said to think of it as an order from KFC. You have the main meal (drumsticks and a thigh) but you have to have a side to complete the entire meal (biscuits).

The side dish is never as good as the main dish and it can't silence your hunger on it's own but it is something that you like and would miss if you didn't receive it.

If you realize that you may actually be the side chick, don't begin beating yourself up. Just try to keep in mind that a meal is never complete without its side.

You might also like:
The Side Chick  Are You Happily The Side Chick?

Having to kill a bug while being independent

This morning I woke up to a huge bug hanging out next to my nightstand.

I immediately got mad at the bug for being so rude to enter my room at this time of the day knowing that I would still be very groggy and slightly confused when seeing it.

After I began to wake up a little bit more and realize that there is actually a bug in my room, I jumped out of bed looking for something to kill it with, all the while saying to myself:

"This is some bullshit. I shouldn't be doing this. Where is a man when I need one."

The blog Sorry, but women are dependent on men states that a reason why women are independent (even if they are in a relationship with a man) is because  they are constantly waiting for their man to abandon them.

I have been told time after time that I have some very strong feminist qualities simply because I am all for independent woman not necessarily needing a man for anything.

Which is why I thought it to be rather funny that as soon as it was time for me to kill the bug myself, I began getting mad at some invisible man for not being there to do it for me.

A dependence on a man could easily get out of hand.

First you need him to just kill a bug, then you need him to give your car a jump, then you need him to decide on what the two of you should eat that night.

That might be taking it a bit far but is it too much to ask for a man to just kill a bug when needed?

Friends With Benefits vs Sex Buddies

Many people make the mistake of thinking that having a friend with benefits is the same as having a sex buddy.

These people are sadly mistaken.

A friend with benefits is someone that you go through every aspect of a relationship with but is only missing the title. The two of you have the strong dynamics of a friendship with sex added to it.

The blog Friends with Benefits: How Friendly? How Sexual? says that most people who engage in being friends with benefits end up remaining friends after the benefits come to an halt. 

The two parties engaging in this friendship with benefits, both have to be single and able to hang out with each other without an awkwardness getting in the way of their friendship continuing. 

This is completely different when dealing with a sex buddy.

The most work that a sex buddy has to do is be remotely attractive to the other person .

You don't have to agree with a sex buddies' views simply because the two of you shouldn't even be conversing to the point where you would even know what they are.

Although I don't condone cheating, if done correctly, your sex buddy could essentially be your "side chick" (the person on the side during a relationship).

There are three things that a sex buddy and a friend with benefits both have in common. They both need to:

1. Remember to stay in their place (don't overstep boundaries)
2. Remember that in most cases, the way a relationship begins is usually how it will end 
3. Remember to not get your hopes up or go looking for anything more than what it is, which is just sex.