Lonely Girl Amnesia: When settling seems like the only option

For as long as I've been living in Florida, I have always considered Halloween to be the first day of Fall.

(I can probably thank all of my memories of freezing my butt off on Halloween night by wearing some cute, but slightly skimpy, "costume" for that).

So seeing that it is Halloween, the nights are getting cooler, the winds have really begun to blow, and women are becoming unmistakably desperate.

We have Cuffing Season to blame for this sudden change of attitude.

During this time of year, women are desperate for the following:

• Male attention
• A man to sleep with at night
• A man to spend the upcoming winter with
• A man

All in all, the cold weather makes women feel as though their comforter, along with that hot cup of tea, isn't enough to keep them warm anymore; and so the hunt for another willing, warm body begins.

It probably doesn't help that this time of year, more and more couples come from backstage and display their love front and center, awaiting their applause from the crowd for finding someone just as desperate as they are. 

(Not taking into consideration that the audience they are preforming for have been in the crowd since curtain call and witnessed the breakups, cheating scandals, and relentless amounts of "I love him. I hate him." facebook statuses).

How is it that a woman can be wrong about the same man so many different times but always in the same way?

This disorder is called: Lonely Girl Amnesia.

When a woman conveniently forgets all of the drama, bad experiences, and differences that occurred between her and a guy because of the need to feel better about choosing to be with someone over being alone.

I've seen this disorder countless amount of times disguised as "things are just complicated with us" from women who claim to not be settling but instead, trying to "work things out".

The more women who use these excuses, the more women who become content with settling.

The reason people date is to find someone who they are compatible with, not to find someone who you would be willing to tolerate throughout the winter cold.

We need to go back to the old days where settling isn't the new "relationship status" and where tolerating isn't the new happy.

If you want to be in a relationship with a good man then wait for that good man.

Use the waiting period as an opportunity to spend time with yourself.

Many women don't consider being alone as an option which is why they either jump at the first male opportunity or back track to the past.

The past is in the past for a reason. You don't want your prince charming to walk right by you because your relationship status is secretly screaming SETTLING.

Time is of the essence and so is waiting on a good man.

A Menace to Society: When a Forever 21 dress gives the wrong signal

The other night I met this guy at an after the club, after party.

My low cut form fitting dress provided enough entertainment for those looking for a show and he made it clear that he wanted the best seat in the house. We exchanged numbers and decided to meet up at Blue Martini the next night to bring in his birthday.

(I was bored)

I meet him there, he buys me drinks and introduces me to his friends. My black shorts and flowey pink half top were perfect for such a relaxed occassion and the night was going smoothly until we began dancing.

With us being at Blue Martini, there aren't too many ways to dance to the constant techno and house music that is played: so the dancing was strictly "lets just have a good time" dancing until he began with the touching.

Throughout the rest of the night, all he did was feel on me. On my breast, my legs, my back and anywhere else that was in arms reach.

There was not one song that played where I wasn't slapping his hand, yelling in his ear to "just chill", or making up a "wow I'm so hot! I need a break from dancing" excuse just so we can get some distance between each other.

I began thinking of every tactic on "How to get out of a bad date" known to women all over the globe but I kept falling short of a believable lie.

I took a bathroom break and explained my dilemma to a woman waiting in line with me. After denying her suggestion of leaving through the back exit, she then told me that she would even pretend to be my sickly, half-dying friend that I just HAD to take home right at this second.

I felt so bad about lying that I just sucked it up and told him that I was getting tired and was going to head out.

A simple lie will always get the job done.

I never heard from him again (after a good two weeks of screening his phone calls) and I blamed the black dress that I was wearing, when we first met, on the way he treated me.

In a world where Forever 21 dictates what's new in fashion and conservative dresses can be found in the "Misses" section in Sears; women aren't left with too many options when it comes to picking an outfit for the club.

So the dresses that rise as you walk, giving your booty cheeks a little breeze, are all that's left to wear to the club which in turn, attracts these types of men.

The type of man that leaves no room for "Maybe."

Maybe he likes me.
Maybe he wants to get to know me.
Maybe he just wants to sleep with me.
Maybe he's looking for a good time.

This type of man makes it clear from the beginning that sex is the only thing that he wants and the only value of interest to him.

So who's to blame?

The man for being blunt and going after what he wants?

Or Forever 21 for making all of the cute dresses come with booty cheek visibility?

Three things that people pretend not to be trifling

I love to use the word "trifling" simply because it sums up exactly what most things are in just one word.  When something is trifling it is shady, a manipulative person or action, dishonest, and secretive. Here are a couple of things that I will always and forever consider to be "trifling."

Chris Brown

Honestly, you have a beautiful voice and you are nice to look at but the fact of the matter is, you beat Rihanna like she was another man on the street. A woman beater will always and forever be trifling no matter how hard they try to make a new name for themselves. Ladies avoid men like this. They will never change.

                                       When a man calls you after 1am asking to come over
When phone calls come in this late, trust me, you were not his first choice (and he knows this). What makes him trifling is him not even attempting to sugar coat this fact.

A way that this could easily be done is by throwing in a "I'm sorry I'm calling you so late but I've been at the library all night, I really just need to relax my brain. Want to go to the beach or something?"

This way, she doesn't feel cheap. Instead he decides to make it obvious that you are plan B, C, or even in some cases, D. Don't allow him to treat you this way when you don't have to.

This is also an opportunity to reevaluate the relationship and look for signs that you are The Side Chick .

When your "boyfriend" denies your relationship request on Facebook

Don't listen to him when he says that facebook is not important, because it is. 

As much as people try to fight it, they go to facebook for everything because it is the most important social network out there when it comes to your own circle of people. 

Most people will put something on twitter before they transfer it to facebook because more people are associated with facebook then twitter and they will definitely take what you say seriously. 

If he is seriously your boyfriend, then he needs to be your boyfriend everywhere; even in the social network world because that world, definitely exists.

Sex: It's complicated, but it's worth it

A guy once told me that sex complicates a relationship, changes the focus of the relationship, and it brings you two closer to having a deeper relationship. So I decided to break down each stage of a relationship to see if it's even worth it in the end.

Sex can complicate a relationship by inviting new feelings along for the ride (no pun intended).

For example, you two may agree on taking things slow and just see where they go but ironically enough, the minute you begin to have sex, those "I like him" feelings begin to transform into "nobody else can touch him because he's mine" feelings.

Now things get complicated because a second ago you were content with just "going with the flow" and now you're focused on trying to direct that flow in a certain direction which brings up the next point.

Sex changing the focus of the relationship.

The main focus should always be getting to know as much about the other person as possible. The more you know, the more you like or dislike the person; regardless of which one it is, you're never at a standstill.

You are constantly bringing new amounts of emotions to the relationship (love, excitement, hope, compassion, pride).

Sex uncontrollably changes the focus of a relationship.

You no longer care why his grandparents aren't happily married, for the time being, you're now thinking about the next time you two are going to have sex. Suddenly his past sexual partners are of great importance to you, and something keeps nudging you, trying to get you to ask the infamous question "where is this going."

In the end, sex ultimately brings the two of you into a deeper relationship (whether you want it or not) because of all of these factors so it is worth it.

Going out to dinner is not the only option for a date: Creative dates

As mentioned in my post The Happy Syndrome: Gaining weight because you're in a relationship going out to eat is one of the most typical date ideas that two people can partake in. Here are a few creative date ideas that will help you to broaden your dating horizons.

Listening to music:
Everyone loves all different types of music so why not tell a little bit about yourself by sharing the type of music that you're into. This is a great bonding opportunity that doesn't require any money to be spent.

Going to the beach:

Living in South Fl. the beach should always be one of your top date ideas (right up there with going out to dinner). It's an intimate peaceful setting that is also, free.

Dancing:
It's a great way to just have fun without having to think too much or answer those date questions like "where do you want to go in life." It's also an opportunity to rub up on your partner in public without people frowning at you.

Going to the park:
Here's another cheap way to get to know someone without many distractions. You could also incorporate some other date ideas here as well; such as playing cards, people watching, and most importantly, eating!

The song for the night is Wet the Bed by Chris Brown ft. Ludacris

While sitting inside of a meeting, waiting for it to start, I decide to listen to the conversation that the guy next to me is having on the phone.

I hear him say, "You're by my car? Where are you? Outside? Ok I'm coming out."

And when he came back, he came back with Chris Brown's latest cd, F.A.M.E. in his hand. I felt that I had no choice but to make a joke about him being a grown man, but buying Chris Brown cd's. After this comment, he proceeded to tell me exactly why he has this cd.

He was on the phone with a girl who told him that she wants to have sex to a song on the album and she was giving him the power to pick the song.

I then told him to let me know when he decides on a song and he chose Wet the Bed by Chris Brown featuring Ludacris.

I asked him why did he just choose one song to have sex to and he answered 

"because I don't like to have sex to music so I just made a cd, with the one track on it... so we started having sex with music, and we ended with screaming."

He continued by giving me a play by play (so I could get a better understanding of course)

"We began with foreplay, then stopped, pressed play on the song, began to have sex, the song stopped ...and we kept having sex."

The Happy Syndrome: Gaining weight because you're in a relationship

A friend of mine told me a story about this girl, who after a breakup, lost 60 pounds. She gained 30 of those pounds while still in the relationship. This is called, The Happy Syndrome.

The Happy Syndrome is someone gaining weight because they are in a happy relationship. Some people may call this being too comfortable but if the two of you are honestly happy, then I see no reason as to why not to get comfortable.

When in a happy relationship, the two of you can't get enough of each other! You begin rearranging your everyday schedule so that you can be together for longer periods of time.

And while together, what better thing to do then to eat.

In the courting stages, all a man ever wants to do is show that he has money by taking the female out to eat and all a female wants to do is show that she is "wifey material" by cooking for this new man.

The beginning stages of a relationship are something like a never ending rainy day. On a rainy day, people tend to partake in indoor activities in their best attempt to avoid the rainfall outside.

When in those beginning relationship stages, the two of you are just happy to be together so you'll stay inside all day and all night just to spend time together like watching movies and t.v. shows. You'll decide not to go to the club with your girlfriends and instead lay in bed all night with your new found boo.

No one is judging you because it's obvious that you are happy.

But, we all know what happens when you sit in the house all day: you eat. And when you sit in the house all day with your significant other, you do more than just eat:

This the schedule of a couples' "rainy day" while finally in the relationship:

• Sex
• Eat
• Nap 
• Sex
• Drink (alcohol)
• Sex
• Eat
• Sleep

(with a couple of laughs and showers thrown in there)

As you can see, you two are prone to eat before the relationship, the beginning stages of the relationship, and of course, while you're seriously in the relationship. You most likely will be gaining weight with all of this eating, drinking then sleeping but it's exactly what the Happy Syndrome is all about!

I say who cares if you gain a lot of weight, as long as you're happy.

Now, after the two of you break up, that's when your weight excuses have run out and it's time for you to run along with them and lose some of that weight! How else do you plan on getting your next man?