Three things that people pretend not to be trifling

I love to use the word "trifling" simply because it sums up exactly what most things are in just one word.  When something is trifling it is shady, a manipulative person or action, dishonest, and secretive. Here are a couple of things that I will always and forever consider to be "trifling."

Chris Brown

Honestly, you have a beautiful voice and you are nice to look at but the fact of the matter is, you beat Rihanna like she was another man on the street. A woman beater will always and forever be trifling no matter how hard they try to make a new name for themselves. Ladies avoid men like this. They will never change.

                                       When a man calls you after 1am asking to come over
When phone calls come in this late, trust me, you were not his first choice (and he knows this). What makes him trifling is him not even attempting to sugar coat this fact.

A way that this could easily be done is by throwing in a "I'm sorry I'm calling you so late but I've been at the library all night, I really just need to relax my brain. Want to go to the beach or something?"

This way, she doesn't feel cheap. Instead he decides to make it obvious that you are plan B, C, or even in some cases, D. Don't allow him to treat you this way when you don't have to.

This is also an opportunity to reevaluate the relationship and look for signs that you are The Side Chick .

When your "boyfriend" denies your relationship request on Facebook

Don't listen to him when he says that facebook is not important, because it is. 

As much as people try to fight it, they go to facebook for everything because it is the most important social network out there when it comes to your own circle of people. 

Most people will put something on twitter before they transfer it to facebook because more people are associated with facebook then twitter and they will definitely take what you say seriously. 

If he is seriously your boyfriend, then he needs to be your boyfriend everywhere; even in the social network world because that world, definitely exists.

Sex: It's complicated, but it's worth it

A guy once told me that sex complicates a relationship, changes the focus of the relationship, and it brings you two closer to having a deeper relationship. So I decided to break down each stage of a relationship to see if it's even worth it in the end.

Sex can complicate a relationship by inviting new feelings along for the ride (no pun intended).

For example, you two may agree on taking things slow and just see where they go but ironically enough, the minute you begin to have sex, those "I like him" feelings begin to transform into "nobody else can touch him because he's mine" feelings.

Now things get complicated because a second ago you were content with just "going with the flow" and now you're focused on trying to direct that flow in a certain direction which brings up the next point.

Sex changing the focus of the relationship.

The main focus should always be getting to know as much about the other person as possible. The more you know, the more you like or dislike the person; regardless of which one it is, you're never at a standstill.

You are constantly bringing new amounts of emotions to the relationship (love, excitement, hope, compassion, pride).

Sex uncontrollably changes the focus of a relationship.

You no longer care why his grandparents aren't happily married, for the time being, you're now thinking about the next time you two are going to have sex. Suddenly his past sexual partners are of great importance to you, and something keeps nudging you, trying to get you to ask the infamous question "where is this going."

In the end, sex ultimately brings the two of you into a deeper relationship (whether you want it or not) because of all of these factors so it is worth it.

Going out to dinner is not the only option for a date: Creative dates

As mentioned in my post The Happy Syndrome: Gaining weight because you're in a relationship going out to eat is one of the most typical date ideas that two people can partake in. Here are a few creative date ideas that will help you to broaden your dating horizons.

Listening to music:
Everyone loves all different types of music so why not tell a little bit about yourself by sharing the type of music that you're into. This is a great bonding opportunity that doesn't require any money to be spent.

Going to the beach:

Living in South Fl. the beach should always be one of your top date ideas (right up there with going out to dinner). It's an intimate peaceful setting that is also, free.

Dancing:
It's a great way to just have fun without having to think too much or answer those date questions like "where do you want to go in life." It's also an opportunity to rub up on your partner in public without people frowning at you.

Going to the park:
Here's another cheap way to get to know someone without many distractions. You could also incorporate some other date ideas here as well; such as playing cards, people watching, and most importantly, eating!

The song for the night is Wet the Bed by Chris Brown ft. Ludacris

While sitting inside of a meeting, waiting for it to start, I decide to listen to the conversation that the guy next to me is having on the phone.

I hear him say, "You're by my car? Where are you? Outside? Ok I'm coming out."

And when he came back, he came back with Chris Brown's latest cd, F.A.M.E. in his hand. I felt that I had no choice but to make a joke about him being a grown man, but buying Chris Brown cd's. After this comment, he proceeded to tell me exactly why he has this cd.

He was on the phone with a girl who told him that she wants to have sex to a song on the album and she was giving him the power to pick the song.

I then told him to let me know when he decides on a song and he chose Wet the Bed by Chris Brown featuring Ludacris.

I asked him why did he just choose one song to have sex to and he answered 

"because I don't like to have sex to music so I just made a cd, with the one track on it... so we started having sex with music, and we ended with screaming."

He continued by giving me a play by play (so I could get a better understanding of course)

"We began with foreplay, then stopped, pressed play on the song, began to have sex, the song stopped ...and we kept having sex."

The Happy Syndrome: Gaining weight because you're in a relationship

A friend of mine told me a story about this girl, who after a breakup, lost 60 pounds. She gained 30 of those pounds while still in the relationship. This is called, The Happy Syndrome.

The Happy Syndrome is someone gaining weight because they are in a happy relationship. Some people may call this being too comfortable but if the two of you are honestly happy, then I see no reason as to why not to get comfortable.

When in a happy relationship, the two of you can't get enough of each other! You begin rearranging your everyday schedule so that you can be together for longer periods of time.

And while together, what better thing to do then to eat.

In the courting stages, all a man ever wants to do is show that he has money by taking the female out to eat and all a female wants to do is show that she is "wifey material" by cooking for this new man.

The beginning stages of a relationship are something like a never ending rainy day. On a rainy day, people tend to partake in indoor activities in their best attempt to avoid the rainfall outside.

When in those beginning relationship stages, the two of you are just happy to be together so you'll stay inside all day and all night just to spend time together like watching movies and t.v. shows. You'll decide not to go to the club with your girlfriends and instead lay in bed all night with your new found boo.

No one is judging you because it's obvious that you are happy.

But, we all know what happens when you sit in the house all day: you eat. And when you sit in the house all day with your significant other, you do more than just eat:

This the schedule of a couples' "rainy day" while finally in the relationship:

• Sex
• Eat
• Nap 
• Sex
• Drink (alcohol)
• Sex
• Eat
• Sleep

(with a couple of laughs and showers thrown in there)

As you can see, you two are prone to eat before the relationship, the beginning stages of the relationship, and of course, while you're seriously in the relationship. You most likely will be gaining weight with all of this eating, drinking then sleeping but it's exactly what the Happy Syndrome is all about!

I say who cares if you gain a lot of weight, as long as you're happy.

Now, after the two of you break up, that's when your weight excuses have run out and it's time for you to run along with them and lose some of that weight! How else do you plan on getting your next man?

Making a checklist: Questions that will either make or break a relationship

This guy told me that one of the reasons why he has had only one girlfriend in his life is because he has very high standards for females that most of them can't reach.

For him to be 24 years old, and only had one girlfriend, I was instantly interested in what these standards may entail.

Deciding not to go too much into detail, he just gave me the two main points on his "Checklist" that are most important to him in deciding whether or not she is even worth his time.

1. Does she have a good relationship with her family?
2. What is her "body count?" (the amount of men she has slept with)

Now I already knew that the amount of men that a woman sleeps with it rather important to most guys, (despite the fact that men usually sleep around a lot more than most woman do) but to care about the type of relationship she has with her family, slightly took me by surprise.

I just don't know too many men that are honestly concerned about a woman's relationship with her family to the point where the "wrong answer" can make or break this newly found interest in each other.

So I began to think about my own checklist for a man, trying my hardest not to be biased or naive in making it, here's what I came up with (in no particular order).

Do you have any children?
I understand that people make mistakes but with children comes along a "baby momma" (if you're lucky, there's only one baby momma) and I don't have the time to be the topic of conversation as to why "this new lady is hanging around daddy" or "is she our new mommy?" I'm too young for that and I don't have to put up with it, so I don't.

Do you have a girlfriend?
This may seem like a foolish question but trust me, there are many instances where men will nonchalantly have more than one girlfriend. I believe in not beating around the bush so if I do come right out and ask yo

Why don't you have a girlfriend?
Most men will take this question as an opportunity to explain why all of his ex girlfriends are obviously crazy; while I'm listening contently and putting a little asterisk next to each point. For example, "man my last girlfriend complained way too much! And always about the same thing!" He unknowingly just told me "I don't listen."

Have you ever had sex with anyone I'm close to?
This is a major make it or break it for me. No one likes to feel like a last choice so if you had some type of relationship with a friend of mine, we have no hope.

When having to breakup with someone: Stop stalling and just do it

I remember telling this guy, who was asking for my number, that I'm still involved with my ex. He then asked me how long were we together and after I answered, he so graciously burst my bubble by giving me the relationship equation.

Take the time that the two of you have been together and cut it in half; that's how long you've been trying to break up with him.

After hearing this, I instantly disagreed with him and came up with a million and one ways to explain why our "relationship" was different.

Of course by the time I made it home, I realized that he was completely right but I was so pissed off that a stranger (who I had known for a good three minutes) was telling me something that my friends had been telling me for years.

It is absolutely true that most of the relationship is usually spent trying to figure out different ways to leave the relationship.

But why is that? What are we waiting for?

There are many excuses that people will come up with to justify them prolonging a breakup.

"I don't know how to say it"
"It's not the right time"
"His moms birthday is coming up"
"We've been together for X amount of years"
"He was there for me when I was going through (insert problem)"
"My cd's are in his car"


But what exactly are we waiting for?

For him to breakup with you first? For him to cheat on you? For him to transform into the person that you want to be with? Or for the classic, "perfect time?"

Please. Wake. Up.

There will never be a perfect time to breakup with someone and unlike your job, you can't give them a heads up by putting in a two weeks notice. Stop trying to make excuses and just do it.

Granted, no one wants to be that asshole to break someones heart but instead of wasting your time, energy, and in most cases money, be an adult and call it what it is: nothing.